Saturday, September 29, 2007

Having a Happy Birthday After a Loved One Dies

September 27th was my birthday. When my hubby left for work he kissed me and said, "Happy Birthday Hon." After three deceases in the household I did not believe I would be happy again. "I'll try," I replied.

Three deceases are too much. For calendar months I had been walking around in a fog or thought about the rudiments of life. Who was I? What make I do? Could I still make it? Would I be happy again? Daniel Goleman, PhD discusses the body's responses to felicity in his book, "Emotional Intelligence."

According to Goleman felicity additions activity "in a encephalon centre that inhibits negative feelings and Fosters an addition in available energy, and a quieting of those that bring forth unreassuring thought." Happiness also gives the organic structure a opportunity to rest, he says, and bring forths enthusiasm and energy for pursuing our goals.

I did not have got much energy lately. Three succesive deceases had generated 100s of unreassuring thoughts. I was not sleeping well. The fiscal and legal paperwork came in faster than I could process it. Though I made day-to-day "To Do" lists, at the end of the twenty-four hours the names were longer, not shorter.

Since I have got got been in crisis before I have good coping skills. I have got learned how to care for myself. Emmett Kelly Osmont, MSW composes about self-care inch a brochure titled "More Than Surviving: Lovingness for Yourself While You Grieve." "Your life is important," she composes "To recover a sense of control over your ain life, start by taking complaint of its way now."

What an empowering idea! I could take complaint of my birthday. Maybe I would not have got got a "Happy Birthday" in the ordinary sense of the phrase, but I could have a productive and meaningful one. How did I pass the day? I did some of the things I love most.

Cooking is one of my passions. Fall apples had arrived in the grocery shop store. I adust some apple-cinnamon muffins. The odor of the baking hot gems was cheering and took me back to childhood. I froze the gems for another day.

Decorating is another passion. We had needed a bedside tabular array in the invitee room for years. I ordered a tabular array from a catalogue shop and paid for it with recognition card points. It was almost like getting a tabular array for free. The tabular array will be delivered next week.

Volunteering is also a passionateness and I volunteer for wellness organizations. I was working on a nutrition outreach project. This was the perfect twenty-four hours to finalize inside information and compose the fourth estate release -- undertakings that took hours. When my hubby returned from work he asked, "How are you?"

"Fine," I said. "I had a productive and meaningful day. I worked on the nutrition project, ordered a bedside table, and adust muffins." My hubby wanted to take me out for dinner, but I wanted to remain home. We had an easy supper, clam chowder and apple pie a lanthanum mode, and went to bed early. I snuggled in my husband's arms, whispered "Happy Birthday," and went to sleep.

Copyright 2007 by Harriet Hodgson

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