Without the Pain, There Won't Be the Gain

Some of you who have got read my recent articles cognize that my hubby and I are losing our house owed to a divider enactment by a adult female who won everything but have passed away this summertime and will never dwell to observe her selfish act. And alien still was the decease of the judge who awarded it all to her. I believe without a shadow of a uncertainty that Supreme Being detached the husk from the corn as He promised He would but that doesn't go forth my hubby and I off the hook. We still have got to move. On top of all this, he was recently laid off again after being told this company never put off. If we've ever had to swear in Supreme Being it is now. He will have got to do a manner where there looks to be none. It have taken both of us some clip to acquire over the thought that Supreme Being allows the wicked boom and those who function Him acquire abandoned. But this simply isn't the truth. This whole ordeal have brought me to a deeper apprehension of just how much my Father in Heaven loves me. This is not a punishment, but rather His pick to subject us for our ain good. Through the hurting of this, I am stronger for it because I have got everything to derive in the end.

In this life, everyone have one of two picks to make. They are either to be friend to Supreme Being or to be His foe. No 1 have the pick of serving themself. We can function Supreme Being or we can function our adversary, Satan. To function Shaytan is to dwell a life with no purpose, thus the "rat race" that people run. This is a race that volition only ensue in catastrophe and finally death. But a kid of God's takes to run a different race. It's called the "race of faith". This race can be long, hard, hard and transfuse pain, but in the end, it will be well deserving it. We are running towards a intent and a goal. This volition be for His glorification and an ageless life with Him. For no other reason, my race of religion will prevail.

Since I am a kid of the Most High God, Shaytan is always nipping at my heels. I understand his missionary post is to trip me up and utterly destruct me in this life by sin. But, I decline to let myself the web of his snares. Naturally my race will be hard and long. So volition yours if you have got got said "yes" to Supreme Being and "no" to the devil.

"Therefore, since we have so great a cloud of witnessers surrounding us, allow us also put aside every burden and the sinfulness which so easily entangles us, and allow us run with endurance the race that is put before us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the writer and perfecter of faith, who for the joyousness set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and have sat down at the right manus of the throne of God." Israelites 12:1,2

This reminds me, who am I to anticipate a life free from hurting and suffering? My Godhead Jesus Of Nazareth endured probably the most painful and demeaning decease ever experienced in human history. He authored my religion and chose to decease in my topographic point and yours if you have got accepted this most cherished gift. I can't conceive of a greater love than this. An guiltless man, the Son of Supreme Being was nailed to a tree and felt every rush of hurting as scoffers below triumphed in His agonising death. He felt the humiliation of hanging there stripped of His clothing for all to see. But as much as He despised His shame, He had the joyousness of knowing He was saving us from our ain ageless deaths, as long as we accept Him as our Godhead and Savior. My hurting is nil compared to His.

I now see my race as one of endurance as I do my manner up the mountain side. It is a long, difficult journey, but one that I am determined to complete. This ascent is bringing me closer to my finish and apprehension God's great, unfailing love for me. The other twenty-four hours as I prayed for the strength to maintain my heels dug in so as not to slip, the Holy Place Spirit reminded me of something that made me shout for joy. "At least you're not going around in circles at the underside anymore." I am on my manner upward! My religion is carrying me to triumph in Jesus. This cognition is well deserving the effort.

Do Iodine incrimination Shaytan for every difficult step? No, he doesn't ain me, in fact he can't touch me. Arsenic I stated earlier, I have got a intent for which I strive. Shaytan can no longer lead on me, how about you?

"My son, make not see lightly the subject of the Lord, nor faint when you are reproved by Him; for those whom the Godhead loves He disciplines, and He flagellums every boy whom He receives." Israelites 12:5

This is fantastic news. It intends He loves me and have His eyes on me. Just as any father, He desires only the best for all His children. Disciplining our children usually aches the parent more. I retrieve a clip (only once) when I disobeyed my parents and caused them to panic of my whereabouts. I knew I was ok, but they didn't. I gave my dada no other pick than to cover with me so that I would larn a lesson. I'll never bury him saying, "This is going to ache me more than than it will you." At the clip it didn't do much sense, but later as I raised my ain two sons, I understood this concept. As a consequence I can understand why Supreme Being reproves us as well. If parents didn't rectify their children, they wouldn't love them very much. In fact God's Word expains it this way;

"It is for subject that you endure; Supreme Being trades with you as with sons; for what boy is there whom his father makes not discipline? But if you are without discipline, of which all have got got go partakers, then you are illicit children and not sons." Israelites 12:7,8

So now as I look back on my ain father's words, I recognize just how blessed I was to have this sort of love and how blessed I am today to understand how much more than my celestial Father loves me! I am His.

Does this brand my painful fortune any less painful? Actually no, it still hurts, but 1 thing I make cognize for certain, I will defeat this one day. I will acquire the triumph because I make have got peace. Supreme Being have been preparation me for such as a clip as this. This peace is the fruit of righteousness that lets me to walk in my Father's sight. I am determined to run with firmness in my pace. He have got promised that my feet will not steal in the process.

"All subject for the minute looks not to be joyful, but sorrowful; yet to those who have been trained by it, afterwards it gives the peaceful fruit of righteousness." Israelites 12:11

If your life is a rat race running in no peculiar direction, halt where you are and state Supreme Being you desire His way for your life. This agency you must inquire His forgiveness for your sinfulnesses against Him. State Him you are bad for disobeying Him and allowing Shaytan to divide you from His love. If you belive in your bosom that Jesus died for you and now sit downs in Heaven as your intercessor, then state Him you desire Him as your Jesus and Godhead over your life. If you have got said this and meant it,
state Him "thank You" for receiving you as His child. Now, conceive of the jubilation in Heaven over another psyche set free! Welcome into the household of God. It is a great thought to share your good news with a Christian friend who can direct you in the adjacent stairway in order to maintain growing.

Without the hurting in life, there won't be the addition of ageless life in Christ.

Scripture taken from the New American Standard Bible

Real Men With Real Tears Streaming Down Real Faces

Do you even inquire what maintains certain people going twelvemonth after year? Those who read these articles must recognise by now that Alice Paul is one of my hard roes - NOT an idol, but a hero - there is an immense difference. What do Alice Paul tick? What motivated him? What kept him so utterly faithful when so many fortune - and people! - appeared to be going against him?

At the end of Acts Of The Apostles Chapter 20, in the New Testament, we read of this moving scene, as Alice Paul have this concluding meeting with these leadership of the Ephesian Church. He talks of what he had done, and how he ministered during his clip in Ephesus. He gives us the core - the bosom - of his preaching.

He talks about what he believes is going to go on to him. Then Alice Paul exhorts these leadership to look after themselves - 'watch over yourselves' - 'be shepherds' - onslaughts will come up from the outside - people on the interior will try to sabotage - and he talks with tears.

They portion on the beach. It is highly charged emotion, but not out of control - not hysterical - existent emotion at its richest.

These seniors were upset. They were sorrowing because Alice Paul had said they would not see him again. Here is love - existent love. These are existent work force of God, with existent crying streaming down existent faces. They now had to do their manner back to Ephesus from Miletus, and acquire on with leading and pastoring the Church, over which the Holy Place Spirit had made them elders. They would have got to acquire on with tremendously ambitious and spiritually responsible undertaking of eating and instruction these immature disciples.

Paul have to rupture himself away from these elders. There was so much to state - so much to share. He was so concerned that they had everything they required to fulfil this high career in Christ.

They canvas South of Cyprus. As he saw the island, did the memories of 15 old age ago inundation back into his mind? Republic Of Cyprus was where he first preached on that first missionary journey. Much had happened in these 15 years.

I remember being in Republic Of Cyprus in 1972 to curate at a Conference, and standing on the beach at Salamis. Memories of that hebdomad still deluge my mind. What was Alice Paul thought as he canvases past? The very reference of Republic Of Cyprus is significant.

The ship phone calls in at Tyre, to drop some of its cargo, and the first thing Alice Paul makes is expression for some adherents of Jesus. As soon as he is ashore he seeks for the Fellowship.

He desires to ran into with these adherents of Jesus. He blows no time. He detects where they garner and passes seven years fellowshipping with them.

Again, we see the quality of this man. We see something of what do Alice Paul tick.

It is not adequate merely to admire what he did, but we necessitate to see what he was like in his heart. Here is an example. Here is a form to follow.

Paul have this stopping point human relationship and Communion with Jesus Of Nazareth Jesus - there is a company - a friendly relationship - almost an understanding. And he also have got this desire and yearning to be in stopping point family and Communion with all the others who believe in Jesus Of Nazareth Of Nazareth Of Nazareth and who have go adherents of Jesus Christ.

It is the 2nd 1 which can be the harder, but it is just as indispensable and necessary as having a stopping point human relationship with Jesus. We make not take our blood brothers and ses when we come up into the household of God. You must larn to dwell with all the other blood brothers and ses in Christ, and sometimes that is not easy. You have got to work at it, at times.

The human race have got to see a family of trusters where the reconciling love of Jesus Of Nazareth Of Nazareth Jesus is visible.

Paul, as an apostle of Jesus Christ, put us the illustration to follow, and gives us a form we can imitate.

Sandy Shaw

What is Soul Loss?

Often people inquire about the look psyche loss, is it really possible for person to lose portion of their soul? It is a term used in Shamanism when person goes disconnected with a portion of them or they simply don't experience like themselves.

Many of us have got experienced some sort of injury in our life from an accident, a interruption up in a relationship, sexual or other word forms of maltreatment and even the loss of a loved one. Sometimes the experience at that clip may have got been too overpowering to cover with therefore a portion of ourselves travels missing or simply go forths in order for us to transport on with our life. When this haps it may go forth us feeling empty or like there is a large nothingness inside of us.

Some people who have got got experienced psyche loss have defined it as a feeling of being spaced out or not being able to focus. Others would state that they just experience lifeless, weak or that they haven't been the same since the incident. Other symptoms may include depression, feeling angry or irritable, heightened emotions or that others would see them as being out of their normal character.

One different state of affairs where psyche loss had occurred was person who had a very beautiful and deeply moving experience that had changed her life in every manner both physically and spiritually. She described this experience as a "fairy tale". For many old age she carried this with her retention on to the past and the topographic point where she had visited that became sacred to her. What she didn't recognize was that a immense piece of herself was still hanging around there not knowing that this was holding her dorsum from achieving what she wanted in her life and fillet her from moving forward.

In this peculiar situation, after many years, she decided to go back back to the land where it had all begun. In order to mend she knew that a psyche retrieval was required.

It was an of import portion of her healing to rhenium visit the sacred topographic point once again. Although difficult, she was finally able to allow travel of the past accepting the alterations in her life and feeling much wiser for it. A immense portion of her had finally returned with great relief. She is now ready to encompass the future.

Another illustration is when something happened to you as a kid that may have got got been too awful for you to cover with, you may not even be aware that you have been carrying the fearfulness with you for all these years. I once carried out a psyche retrieval for a friend who had experienced a bee bite when she was very young. The state of affairs had been so terrific for her that a small piece or psyche portion had been left behind. I was able to execute a psyche retrieval to convey the lacking portion back. This had helped her to encompass the fearfulness enabling her to feel complete.

A Shamanic practician who have been trained can execute a psyche retrieval for person who is ready to have one. Through the counsel of their spirit assistants they take a journeying to first turn up the lacking psyche part, once establish they can then go back it back to the individual enabling them to experience whole again.

After having a psyche retrieval you necessitate to let some clip for yourself to welcome back that portion of you that have returned. You may happen that you are very tearful afterwards but this is normal and will soon pass.

If you have got unfinished business, you necessitate to travel back to the point of origin, where the psyche loss happened, recapture that kernel to convey the comprehensiveness of yourself back into your life.

Most of us are all trying to happen peace, balance and harmoniousness in the world. In my sentiment we must first get with ourselves. Once we experience complete and whole and happen that peace inside then we are ready to carry through our life's mission, our purpose, or attain the ends that we are trying to achieve. There will no longer be that nothingness inside of us, instead we will experience love, joy, and fulfillment. After all, isn't that why we are here?

© Rosanna Ienco Barned

Rosanna Ienco Barned is a certified Shamanic Practitioner and Medium.

She is also a certified Soul coach, Past Life Coach and Angel Therapy practitioner

Grief And Loss, My Story

I've been authorship these sorts of narratives for about 10 old age now. I started handing them out to clients in my therapy pattern to see how they would react. Their responses were typically positive. Those in heartache knew right away how their loss had affected them and they reported finding comfortableness here in these words.

A few old age ago, I establish out for myself what an impact these narratives could have got when I went through the heartache of losing my mother. That event tossed me into a state where unhappiness and loss were my chief companions. I stayed there for many months. Re-reading the narratives and contemplations brought me hope. They provided comfortableness when I turned to them. I was reminded that my gift for authorship had come up from above, that these narratives had arrived via "cosmic e-mail," and they could profit anyone, including myself.

At first, I couldn't understand why I had been "selected" for this. Then it occurred to me that, to this point, this had been my life theme. Seeking comfortableness for myself through my ain trials and trials had steered me towards guidance and therapy where I brought comfortableness to others because I knew how they felt. I "knew" these experiences from the interior out.

I'm not in those fortune anymore. My heart, which had been badly bruised in earlier years, have been mending nicely for some time. I had to allow travel of my private pattern because I'd given too much, and not conserved enough emotional energy for my ain needs. Burnout is a very tough lesson.

Here I am at this phase in my life, reflecting on what I've done and wondering where to travel next. These narratives and contemplations come up back to me now in a vastly different way. I see them as a gift to myself and to those agony through their ain losses. Having been there a few more than modern times lately, I think it's clock to share once again. My last large loss was my calling and, as a result, I've had to larn how to reconstruct myself into the individual I'm supposed to be now, as per the Cosmic Plan.

Currently, my life is more than about giving, caring and, yes, "receiving." That's a large word nowadays. So many of us workaholics were too busy slamming into walls to see the virtue of that one. Not to worry, I'm in good company. Thousands more people are colliding with their several walls these days. If it isn't work related "burnout," then it's the decease of a household member or friend. Climbing the ladder of success for hand clapping or that corner business office have lost its luster. So many people are now saying "I don't believe so, not anymore." All of those ends that "invite" and then "take us apart" are semblances of course. I, like so many, was seduced into believing that this was the right path; till we crashed.

This book is for "lovers," for people who desire to fall back in love with their Self, in the healthy sense, in the artistic and ingenious sense, in the manner that Supreme Being designed us. "In His Image" right? Well, so it states in the good book. Let's return a near expression shall we. Are we here just for ourselves, or to do a contribution? Are we here to soar up with the eagles, or to fire up like a falling satellite? What's our narrative anyhow? Let's inquire that and see what replies we come up up with.

Yes, let's look at ourselves more than closely and ask: "What makes Grief have got got got to learn me?" Let's human face it, when the bits are down and we don't have friends to attain out to, then we have very little. Because what Grief says, loud and clear, is: "You can't make this alone." And that is it in a nutshell. Let this book be your "friend" for now, while you travel out there and obtain some comfortableness and loving, the sort of friendly relationship that volition remind you: "You are not alone." He'll be there waiting for you, in whatever "shape" you require. Count on that and: "Believe."

A Spiritual Journey of Personal Growth

I never understood the lesson in my life's top challenge until old age later. That clip for me was a dramatic awakening that ultimately led to personal growing and an in progress Negro spiritual journeying of exploration.

It started in the early portion of 1978. My life until then was centered on my new marriage, my work and my circle of friends. My hubby and I socialized with a whole cortege of immature married couples, some with little children and most without. When I became pregnant in March, it was a true approval and my life shifted into a new and extraordinary focus. Of course, we planned on having a healthy gestation with a natural bringing and we chose a lying-in centre in New House Of York City to present the baby.

Unfortunately, from the minute Iodine became pregnant I had morning, afternoon and eventide sickness. All sorts of olfactory properties bothered me, especially cooked poulet and fish. I had no appetite, since no nutrient appealed to my palate. However, I did military unit myself to eat a high protein diet (about 80 grammes a day), plus a quart of milk (in the word form of milk shakes and water ice pick sodas), tons of vegetables, fruits and other carbohydrates. This was the suggested day-to-day nutrient demand for pregnant women and I adhered to it without question. The wellness of my unborn kid was my lone concern and I would make anything within my powerfulness to guarantee it, even if it meant abiding illness and other discomforts.

I couldn't wait for the first three calendar months of gestation to end, because I believed that my morning time sickness would finally subside. But after five months, I was still ill with emesis and cramping, as well. My babe was growing normally, give thanks goodness, yet I was feeling worse and worse. The symptoms usually hit me when I least expected it. I would be supermarket shopping and all of a sudden, I'd duplicate over in hurting from terrible cramps and intestinal spasms. These turns were generally followed by intense emesis and incessant diarrhea.

Eventually, I noticed a vaginal discharge and some bleeding. I was given a sonogram to do certain the foetus was not growing outside the placenta. All clinical grounds showed an norm pregnancy. But by this time, I was a mess! I had only gained 9 pounds during the first five calendar months and was nauseous and emesis daily. I could maintain nil down.

Finally, on one of my routine doctor's visits, my OB/GYN advised me to see a gastroenterologist for tests. The consequences came as a daze during this, my introduction to the miracle of motherhood. I had Crohn's Disease, an redness of the intestines, which was considered incurable, highly debilitating, painful and chronic. Although it was not life-threatening, here I was five calendar months pregnant with an incurable disease! My fearfulness of the unknown region was my top enemy and threat. I didn't cognize what to anticipate or how my life style would be changed.

The docs all assured me I could take a normal life and maintain the disease under control with medication. They explained that this unwellness had nil to make with diet, even though I told them I always felt worse after I ate. It seemed to be a immature grownup disease that usually struck before the age of 30. At that time, treatment was a regimen of S drugs prescribed to stamp down some of the symptoms and cut down inflammation.

I cried continuously for three days. Through a turn of fate, I already knew something about Crohn's Disease because my brother-in-law suffered from it. He had endured respective trading operations and had taken numerous drugs to relieve both his uncomfortableness and forestall subsequent flare-ups. Knowing this frightened me, since I was concerned that these drugs might harm my unborn child.

I became so down that I couldn't function. I wallowed in my bad luck and submerged myself in unhappiness for hours on end. I felt I'd been doomed to a lifespan of wretchedness and hopelessness. Fear seemed to govern my life. To his credit, my hubby was very understanding and supportive. He tried to promote me in any manner he could. But I alone had to cover with the world of my disease and set up for the fortune that put ahead. With a major determination to make, I was caught between the traditional medical path or perhaps another alternative. My concern was the social welfare of the guiltless babe growing inside me. Iodine spent agonising years wondering if I should fill up the doctor's prescription for azulfidine -- or unrecorded with the consequences.

Fortunately for me, I was surrounded by people who were more than aim than I. They would guarantee me that panicking was not a reasonable solution. I needed to calm down down long adequate to analyze my options and my sister knew just the right advice to give.

She recommended I read, "Three Magic Words" by U.S. Anderson, which explained the Law of Attraction, the conception that we pull into our lives what we set the most attending on. The book explained that we are the Godheads of our ain world and that by harnessing this knowledge, we can do powerful alterations that even make what we most desire. This was a new and profound impression for me to contemplate. Could I, at this crisis point in my life, take complaint and bend my life around?

In desperation, I started meditating to happen some answers, as the book suggested. In quiet introspective minutes I realized that somehow, in some way, there was a lesson for me to larn from this frightening, challenging experience. I continued meditating daily, disciplining myself to visualise entire health, my whole organic structure healed. I began to experience more than in control, less like a incapacitated victim. I started believing I was an of import factor in my ain healing process. I felt I made a major displacement in my perceptual experience of the state of affairs and I was able to experience hope and even experience interior peace. With this renewed motivation, I decided to travel the option path and see where it took me.

Some friends knew of a fantastic holistic physician in Occident Hurley, N.Y and advised me to seek out his opinion. After an extended examination, his forecast was that with mild exercise, good nutrition, day-to-day relaxation and unquestioning faith, in seven old age I could most likely mend my body. This was all Iodine needed to hear to bring forth the committedness I needed to transport out a life-changing crusade for personal health. My end was set.

To cut down my digestive stress, the physician set me on a hard-and-fast food-combining regime. It was of import to follow a more than natural or pure diet, he said, which eliminated all achromatic flour, refined sugar and unreal substances. I prepared my repasts with compatibly combined foods, which improved the food soaking up and assimilation in my intestines. No longer did I eat meat with potatoes at the same clip or have got dessert directly after I ate. I started eating less protein, and more than composite saccharides with plentifulness of natural fruits and vegetables. The physician told me I had a milk sugar intolerance, which was the ground my cramping was so severe. I was advised to eat caprine animal yoghurt instead of milk, since it was easier for me to digest and full of healthy bacterium necessary for proper digestion.

As soon as I changed my feeding style and rearranged my nutrient choices, the nausea, emesis and cramping ceased. By the clip I gave birth, four calendar months later to a perfect babe boy, I felt healthy, energetic and vibrant. My gynaecologist was as surprised as I was. He was disbelieving at first and didn't believe that diet could actually better my health. But throughout my gestation he noticed a pronounced alteration in my physical state as well as my emotional mental attitude and decided to allow me go on with whatever I was doing.

Meditation and visual images became a large portion of my healing process, because they gave me comfort, support and a sense of interior calm. I kept my religion through reverses and discouraging times, because I always knew I was on a perfect way towards my success. It just felt right!

I couldn't convert my brother-in-law to fall in me in my healthy-lifestyle transition. He didn't desire to do any sacrifices. Today, his Crohn's Disease have dramatically worsened and he have undergone many trading operations over the past decades.

I continued my feeding regimen after my boy was born and through the gestation of my 2nd child. Seven old age later I noticed definite alterations in my body. I began to derive some of the weight I initially had lost, which meant my system was finally digesting nutrient more efficiently.

It's been 28 old age and I haven't had recurring symptoms. I see this unwellness a fantastic blessing, because it changed my life and Negro spiritual focus. It sent me on a ocean trip into the empyreal kingdoms of my body, head and soul. From this crisis, I learned perseverance, faith, love, subject and commitment. I learned that reverses make not intend failure, nor make they intend defeat. I learned to believe in myself and to swear my intuitive sense, since my wellness depended on it. I learned to foster myself with love and to experience joyousness and pridefulness in my accomplishment. I especially learned to maintain my head firm on the positive and to concentrate on the end consequence with finding and conviction.

I trust other women larn that they, too, have got an internal strength from within to defeat hardship and that forms can be changed if the desire is strong enough. Of course, there's no warrant everyone who undergoes a wellness crisis will recover. But, I learned that life is a journeying and that during the journey, it's outdo to take complaint and bask the procedure as positively as possible. In that way, you pull more than of what you desire and less of what you fear. Then it's easy to accept that sometimes bad things go on for a good and purposeful reason.

****************

The Process of a Miracle: A 30 Day Experiment - Day Four

Day Four...Spiritual Detox

I couldn't kip last night.

My head was a clutter of emotional rags replaying the years events over and over in the composure of "insomnia."

Yesterday, Iodine cleaned out quite a spot of the physical leftovers of my past. That nighttime as each old memory resurfaced shedding layer after layer of emotion. What was concealment beneath all this was nil I had considered but never the less revealed itself.

The attic; The bottomless cavity inside my head that hid within its shadows; those soundless tentacles that slithered out of its darkness, encircling themselves around me absorbing me firmly in the past.

I was about to undergo a Spiritual detox.

It was about 11:00am before I finally felt tired adequate to fall asleep. At this point I felt empty and a spot scared of what the consequence of releasing so much emotional disturbance would be.

I never lived without the contorted creature comforts of my beliefs and letting spell of so much in such as a short amount of clip left me feeling empty. Fear may turn within the emptiness of uncertainty….

But so makes my spirit.

I drop asleep instantly but not in to the deep la-la fantasy of candy land dreams. Inside me the pieces of myself I had imprisoned within the deepest portion of my beingness prepared themselves for the conflict of my freedom. To face the fat slothfulness of my egotism which sat heavily upon my spirit munching away on a hot manipulate ice-cream sundae of my pain.

It was clip for me to be released.

I had served my sentence.

I had willingly done my clip and it was clip for me to take my freedom back.

It seemed that I was awake but asleep… if that's level possible. I was in the kitchen of my flat and something kept playing fast ones on me. The kitchen stove would travel on without me turning it on. Things kept appearing and reappearing. It was just freaky.

When I awoke spots and pieces were still with me but mostly I didn't retrieve what it was about. I couldn't really do sense of the leftovers that lingered, so into the kitchen I went to acquire a cup of coffee. As I'm standing there still half asleep Iodine expression at my stove…and Iodine retrieve the dream.

I retrieve how the kitchen stove was combustion something and I now saw what it was. I looked around me and I saw it all. Every memory of every event I felt I was a victim of….

The metallic element divot on the kitchen stove from Mike, The first serious fellow I ever had who cheated on me again and again.

The vase from the flat where I first stuck a acerate leaf in my arm.

The carpet in my sleeping room with the fire holes from nodding out.

The clothing from Volition who had beaten, raped and imprisoned me for years.

The jewellery from Karl who treated me like a inexpensive pornography star.

On and on the listing went. It was all there with me now.

The self-deceit.

The lies.

The torture.

The insecurity.

The jealously.

The anger.

The resentment.

The self-pity.

The disillusion.

The disappointment.

The lost hopes of my dreams.

The absolute boiling hate of myself that oozed out from these lesions infecting every action Iodine displayed throughout my life.

I had voluntary carried it all with me never understanding or comprehending for a minute it all represented...

THE PAIN.

It was everything Iodine never wanted my life to be and everything my life was.

I cried.

I cried for the load of shame I silently carried into maturity of the adult male who molested me.

I cried for the small miss that felt so ugly and unloved.

I cried for the miss I grew into who settled for the tabular array remnants of love tossed to me by work force that I allowed to abused me.

I cried for the adult female I became who was determined to destruct herself.

I'm crying as I compose this, because I cognize I don't have got to maintain this anymore. I don't have got to transport any of it. Every spot and piece of the hurting is not a load I take to follow me into the future.

I'm free.

I take me.

The Process Of A Miracle... An Experiment Of Sorts

Is it possible to change one's life in the course of thirty days? To have such transformations occur in which the seemingly limited capacity of comprehension can stretch past it's own boundaries into the untapped potential of possibilities?
I intend to find out through this experiment!

A miracle defined, is an event that is unexplained by the laws of nature... Ok, so what does that mean?

My own interpretation follows this line of reason; that my own view of my personal circumstances or situations openly enter into the realm of the unknown. Deep within the prison cell of my beliefs, my perceptions freely expand to experience life at another level, beyond the depths of reason.

Essentially my beliefs become non-existent in the ever-increasing freedom of my awareness. The potential power of the universe unleashes itself to manifest within my life as an event ,

Only to be described by myself as well as others as a miracle.

So what is this miracle transformation I am intending to occur within the next thirty days? In order for that to be clear I need to explain the current situation or my perception of it for that matter.

I made a decision two years ago that I would go to any lengths to completely change my life. To discard ALL of the beliefs about what I learned or thought I knew. Permitting myself to heal from the limitations I clung to in desperation; living my life in the cesspool of heroin addiction.

I lived in the shadows of existence in a paper bag of hopelessness, fighting for years to stop. Each failed attempt only reinforced the reality of my life as the expression of the cliché

"Once a junkie, always a junkie."

On September 4th, 2005… Instead of fighting the addiction… I began to fight for me. Understanding that the person reflected back to me in the mirror was not who I wanted to be or anything close to I really was.

In order to reclaim the bits and pieces of who I truly was I need I needed a new canvas of life to paint myself on. I needed to forget every belief I held in my consciousness. Thus initiating the process of the miracle to occur within my own personal existence. The re-creation of myself, which simply is the person I am today.

Some may not understand this as a miracle or even dismiss it as one. For those who have had the effects of addiction within their own or by default by those they love; know that it's a miracle. Because the sad, sad truth of addiction is that more die and suffer in it's prison, then those who escape to freedom.

On September 4, 2007, it will be exactly two years since I stuck that needle in my arm for the last time. My life since then has become more then anything I had ever believed possible and continues to be so. I believe I can initiate yet another miracle at this point in time simply because I made a decision that it will be so.

Ralph Waldo Emerson wrote,

"Once you make a decision, the universe conspires to make it happen."

I know this to be true for my life is a physical manifestation of the decision I made close to two years ago. It was not easy, very unpleasant at times. But I had the willingness and allowed this process by permitting a "Higher Power" to set the ground rules. Initially this was the staff at the Detox, then the counselor's in rehab and those running the outpatient facility.

I surrendered my life of distorted self-sufficiency to that of the welfare system. I relinquished my life to anyone and anything that had more of a clue how to live other then myself. I finally understood, what I knew about life equaled roughly ten hospital Detox's, three trips to rehabs and several outpatient facilities a trip to jail and too much self inflicted misery..

I'm smart, but my intelligence had nothing to do with creating the life I dreamed of as a little girl. In fact I had created the exact opposite…. a freaking nightmare not only for me but all those that had the unfortunate experience of crossing my path during the years of my active addiction. To put it simply, I was NOT a nice person.

Today I am closer to the person I want to be, closer to the person I really am. But at the moment I'm flailing, I really have no clue. Another junction in the so-called crossroads of life and the signpost are blank. You see this is all new to me, I have not yet written any pages in this part of the book of my life. A wise man by the name "Rev." once told me,

"Life is a book. Each day we write a page in this book by virtue of our behaviors. No erasures allowed!"

I can't change anything that I may have done in my life weather it be good bad or indifferent. But I can write a new story from this point on. I have the power to re-create my life and
re-create myself.

I chose to heal. Heal myself from all the mis-information I gathered from all the other mis-informed people by default. I made a decision choosing what I wanted to experience in this life, instead of clinging to the hopes I allowed others to paint my dreams on.

Those that know me, know that after working at my job for close to two years I just quit. That little voice within spoke volumes of truth that echoed through the illusion of the reality I held on to. I couldn't ignored the truth that no one would have the power for me to live my dreams, except me.

I always thought of "risk" as something in which I would lose something. What I've come to realize though is risk is what I don't stand to gain if not seized when it presents itself as the opportunity of change.

I'm not interested in slaving away at a job for years waiting for the day I retire to "then" live the life I want. I'm not interested in living each day chasing after the illusion of tomorrow and all that it promises, because I lose today.

That's what happened I worked like a dog for the past year and a half, barely scraping by. Thinking it was the way to get where I wanted in life. But there is no "there" so to speak, there is only here. And I want every moment "here" to be one in which reflects a life lived in the unlimited possibilities and not one lived in limitations.

So now here is where I explain the reason for this experiment. The day I walked out of my job, I had no back up plan and no idea of what was going to happen. All I knew that another chapter of my life was about to be written and it was not going to be a chapter I already lived.
I started a website, an initial step in creating more of what I preferred in life. Using my artistic talents to do SOMETHING.

But I had a thought, which then led to an idea, which then led to my website. I think it has potential, I know I have potential. I just need a catalyst to "Start" the reaction.
That's where this experiment comes in. Is it possible to reach over one million people with one idea? To have others read this and participate in the process of a miracle unfolding? I believe so, but I need to know who else believes in the possibilities.

I send out a lot of e-mails and I get a pretty good response with some of these experiments and now I'm taking it to the next level.

I believe this is a kind, generous universe. I believe that for a majority of us we all want people to succeed, to be happy, to be prosperous. We all want this for ourselves as well.

When watching a movie we all cheer for the little guy that risks it all for a dream. Yet when the movies end we all forget that we too have the same desires for our own dreams. The daily bump and grind on the treadmill of "what is" extinguishes away any of the hopes that were sparked.

So how can this truth become a manifestation of a miracle?

With belief, with your participation I know that this can be evident in the results. I'm asking that only others that believe or even want to believe to be part of this.

With an experiment there needs to be a system of measurement right? So how can one measure a miracle?

This at the moment is how I plan on it. I want anyone interested to visit a page in my website. The link is:

http://winksandgiggles.com/Lil_Angels.html

On this page is a bunch of little angels I've made, but there's one in particular that will be the system of measurement. A little angel with "I Believe Miracles are Possible" in the description. I also welcome any POSITIVE feedback, ideas or suggestions

So the intention is there, the idea has been unleashed into the universe at large. Now all that needs to happen is simply the process of the miracle to unfold. Is it possible for me to remove myself from obscurity? To have my intentions realized by this message as it ripples through the universe? To have the intention return to me as the manifestation of the life that resonates as the truth of the life I choose to live?

Will you be "a part" of this or "apart" from the promise of a miracle in your own life? The choice is yours. As for me I already made the decision that this will reach exactly who it needs to in order for this to occur.

The truth of the matter is that if this becomes possible for me then it becomes possible for you. This may scare people because sometimes people would rather just float through life on a cloud of blame in order to dismiss the truth of what they can really be or do. I say this because that truth has been self evident in the results that my life have produced

In the next thirty days I will post the results daily and I invite you all to be part of this. In the meantime, expect nothing less then miracles!